The Dregs

Those little decorative touches people put in goldfish bowls: the 1880s diver, the treasure chest, the mermaid – they’re not really for the goldfish, are they?

Snow blindness is the prettiest euphemism for the most disgusting thing, namely corneal rot.

As I thought, the most popular offsite clicks from injection are my links to beautiful girls. It goes without saying that I have excellent taste in this highly specialized area, and I could probably grow my readership a thousandfold by posting more links to, as jaded, atheistic pornographers like to say, “God’s art.” However, I will not be going in that direction.

I ordered pizza yesterday, and on the coupon one-sheet stuck to the lid of the box, in the rectangle usually reserved for advertising for Lilo & Stitch On Ice was an exhortation to the ad-buying public to buy ad space in that rectangle. “Welcome To The Most Exciting Advertising Opportunity Ever Introduced,” it said. What an outrageous lie, I thought, sucking on the anchovy floating on a cheese raft in my mouth. Then I pictured the most exciting advertising opportunity ever introduced, which would be using a variety of color lasers to project something either on the surface of the moon in the night sky, or onto clouds. Or, from an executive standpoint, getting people to pay for watching your advertising. That would be exciting.

I just installed WordPress and it took FOUR MINUTES.