Conclusions
If you’re in a rush, here’s the gist: be sure you want a coach and not a therapist; make sure you get someone certified by the International Coach Federation and shop around until you find someone you’re comfortable with; expect to pay between $100-$500 a month for weekly sessions in person or over the phone depending on the experience and certification level of the coach. For more details, keep reading.

Life coaching?
I can’t remember the first time I heard about life coaches, but I’m sure I was surprised and amused. It seems indulgent - a personal coach? to help run your life? And indeed, life coaches have become occasional figures of fun in popular culture - Paris, a character on Gilmore Girls, had a fluttering coach helping her navigate freshman year at Yale; Ava, played by (the lovely, if she’s reading) Famke Janssen on Nip/Tuck is a life coach slash seductress who nails her underage client, among other indiscretions.

There’s got to be more to it than that
And there is. The field is on the edge: some life coaches make a living and help out; others are under- or unqualified, scrambling for fast money. The public reception of the profession is mixed, probably because the International Coach Federation has limited brand recognition and can’t trample uncertified dopes - precisely unlike the American Bar Association and the AMA.

Still: I have come to think that life coaching is, in concept, bitchin’, and I put this together for people who want to get a sense of what to look for in a coach and to answer my own curiosity.

Does life coaching work?
Here’s the dynamic I’m always looking out for: someone tries something outside the mainstream - homeopathy, Linux, Zima - and afterwards they tell everyone who asks that it’s great. But it is not, in fact, great. They’re not lying! It’s just that given the time, energy, and money they’ve put in, they can’t admit to themselves or others that they failed or the accupressure didn’t work. So cognitive dissonance sets in. This person thinks homeopathy works, tells people it works, but also knows that it doesn’t work and gradually stops going to their homeopath.

Is this how it is with life coaching? Maybe sometimes, but: if a client can point to achievements in their lives accomplished with the guidance of a coach, that’s pretty solid evidence for the defense. There are fuzzy-minded dudes out there

such as
Aymen Fares, who writes “I travel to appointments in an exotic convertible sports car […] coaching with me is based on spirituality.” Riiiiight. (I’m picking on Aymen because he’s in Melbourne, so if he wants to fight or something it’s an expensive plane ticket over.)

But
I think there are a bunch of good life coaches out there too, and there’s the ICF, which licenses coaches, and

Wait, why are you so interested in this? Seriously.
I mean, maybe it’s because I’m a target market? I’m a 23 year old trapped in a 26 year old body and waist-deep in my quarter-life crisis. Most of my friends are on good solid tracks - three medical students, one in one out of an MFA program, two teaching high school - but I still feel like despite a few of core competencies there are a million things I’m interested in. My job situation is promising but sort of messed up, and despite a (great) year of Getting Things Done I still tend to overproject and have trouble FINISHING THINGS. Your problems are probably different but probably exist, yeah?

ANYWAY
I had a grip of questions that I sent to a group of life coaches, two of whom were kind enough to take time out to share their expertise.

They are
Barry Zweibel and Dr. Ken Byers, who are both GREAT, as you’ll see in a second. I haven’t been a client, but based on the thoughtfulness of their answers I’d definitely check them out if I was in the market for a coach. (Barry, by the way, has an ebook out that I want to plug.)

LET THE COACHES SPEAK!
I was going to edit the responses down some, but then I thought: this is the beauty of the internet - capture the details.

How is it that life coaching is what you came to want to do with your life?
I was being polite - what I really meant was, “if you’re so great, why are you a life coach?”

Mr. Zweibel: “It gave me the ability to help smart, capable people - who just happened to be stuck at this point in their life – get back on track again by learning how to better utilize their untapped potential. It also afforded me the opportunity to jettison my employee mentality and become an entrepreneur.”

Dr. Byers: “I went through several life crises in my own life during my forties and became interested in men’s issues in an effort to find answers for what I thought were my unique problems. During the 1980’s I attended many conferences and workshops with other men and what I discovered was that my doubts, fears and concerns were the same as every man I talked to. What I also saw was that most men never talked with each other about these issues, seeing them as weaknesses or just very uncomfortable even to acknowledge. Like many men, I also experienced a career crisis at about the same time and decided to go back to school at age 49 and get my Ph.D. in psychology with an emphasis in Men’s Studies. Afterward, I specialized in working with men in therapy mostly around issues of trauma and sexual abuse but found that my best results came from being with my clients in a supportive and questioning manner rather that therapeutic, which I later discovered was called coaching rather than therapy. So, once again I went back into training and became certified as a Life Coach. Since then I’ve found that for general life issues, men respond much more positively to coaching than to therapy. Mostly, men simply want to be listened to, taken seriously, nudged and urged to find their own answers rather than being told or advised. Coaching is about asking the powerful questions that often we are afraid to ask ourselves that open recognition and awareness in the client.”

What goals are your clients typically looking to achieve?

Dr. Byers: “Most of my clients are men, artists, musicians and entrepreneurs as these are my coaching specialties, but the issues are generally the same regardless of gender. My clients may come thinking what they want are specific goals but almost always there is more to be had. Particularly with men, by the time we seek help with what we think the problem is we find it is really just a symptom of something deeper. Coaching is about pealing away the layers and finding out what’s really going on. 99 times out of a 100 it’s not what we think it is. For example, many clients come wanting career advice because they are unhappy in their work, have been laid off or downsized, etc. After a few sessions we find that they are unhappy or unsuccessful finding a new job for other reasons and that those reasons are effecting their life outlook and, therefore, their results.”

Mr. Zweibel: “My clients might say that they want to become more self-confident, learn to think more strategically, improve their time- and priority-management skills, break some bad habits, form some new habits, become their own hero, do better at work, do better in important relationships - basically, live a life that they’re truly proud of.”

How should someone go about choosing a life coach?

Dr. Byers: “Finding a coach is like finding a good dentist or buying a car. You interview them…take them for a test drive. Most coaches will offer a free session, usually a half hour, often by phone for the purpose of seeing if there is good chemistry. In coaching it happens very fast, if the coach is good and the prospective client is serious about getting help with his/her problem. The best resources are word of mouth referral, the International Coaching Federation or any of the various coaching training schools. They all have referral lists. A good coach will set the tone of the interview and make you feel comfortable and offer you a positive experience.”

Mr. Zweibel: “I recommend using the C-L-I-C-K model. A good explanation can be found on my website.”

What is the time and monetary commitment required?

Dr. Byers: “There are no rules here. I’ve had clients that get what they need in 3 months of once a week sessions. I’ve also had clients that stayed in the process for as long as two years. It’s very much an individual thing. My average is about six months because I don’t like to become a crutch for a client, rather my goal is to get them on their path and into results in their life. As far as money goes, this also varies considerably. Most coaches charge between $150 and $300 a month. Newer coaches cost less and you generally get what you pay for. Many coaches also will work on a sliding scale based on need and income.”

Mr. Zweibel: “It varies by coach. Generally speaking, though, we’re talking about paying attention to your life. So while a certain amount of learning and discovery occurs during the coaching conversations, the real growth and development occurs in between the coaching conversations. Bottom line: if you don’t particularly care about changing yourself or your situation, it’s probably not worth it financially.”

Are there any common problems or misunderstandings you run into with new clients?

Mr. Zweibel: “Well one of the very first things we do is design our relationship so that: (a) potential misunderstandings are addressed up front; and (b) should misunderstandings subsequently occur, there’s a something already in place to address them. It’s important to realize that coaching is a peer-to-peer relationship. You show up as an expert in yourself, and the coach shows up as an expert in how to enable important/meaningful conversations and together you figure things out. Problems/misunderstandings tend not to arise because the spirit of the relationship is to be helpful – and relevant. And if for some reason the coach isn’t being either, the client has the responsibility – and permission – to say so.”

Dr. Byers: “Misunderstandings are usually due to poor communication and good communication is a coach’s most valuable asset. My most common problem has been insuring that clients keep their appointments and are on time. This is a responsibility issue that runs through all the coaching processes. Reduced to basics, coaching is about trust, honesty and responsibility. Generally, however, it is my belief that any misunderstanding that occurs is my fault and I try to correct that as soon as possible. The only common problem has been with clients who really should be in therapy, and are not ready for coaching.”

Does any particular theory or philosophy guide your coaching?

Mr. Zweibel: “I was trained by the prestigious Coaches’ Training Institute, so I like their Co-Active Coaching Model. But I also do a lot of reading on motivation and self-awareness, and productivity, and such and like to bring in whatever theories and philosophies seem most helpful and relevant to each individual client. What works for one does not necessarily work for all, so it’s kind of a fun challenge for me to find what ideas/thoughts/actions resonate best for them.”

Dr. Byers: “I work on a theory taught by the Coaches Training Institute, which is where I did my certification training, where everything is centered on the client. I, as coach, am not important except to act as a trigger to allow the client to access their own resources, to discover what they want and to hold them accountable for getting it. Client centered coaching is 100% about the clients needs. There are other models in the field but this one work best for me.”

Do you see coaching as an alternative to therapy? Have you ever coached someone through a time of mental hardship, or worked with a therapist to help a client?

Dr. Byers: “This is a very important question. As a therapist myself, I find it fairly easy to determine when a client really needs therapy and when he/she can gain beneficially from the coaching process. In the former I am obligated to refer the client to a therapist. Most often I choose not to work with the client at that point. I can be either a therapist or a coach, but never both as they are very different interventions. It’s a judgement call and not always an easy one to make but critical listening can help in making the determination. Coaching is not an alternative for therapy. It can often be an augment to therapy, however. I’ve had clients who were in therapy and coaching at the same time. I have found it can be very advantageous for the client. However, therapists often look down at coaching, not understanding the field and sometimes feeling threatened by it.

The fact that so many coaches come out of the therapy field is a pretty good indication of its value. The thing that is important to remember is that emotional problems are a normal part of the human experience. We all have our ups and downs. What I have observed is that most people don’t need therapy to get through tough times, they just need someone to listen to them, support them and help get them back on track. Everyone has the ability to move trough emotional setbacks, we just don’t always know it at the time. One of the truly amazing aspects of coaching is the ability to change our perspective and see the world differently.”

Mr. Zweibel: “It’s an apples-to-oranges sort of question. Therapy tends to be pathology-based. That is, the client is broken and needs to be fixed. Coaching, in contrast, is competency-based. That is, the client is seen as creative, resourceful, and whole, not needing to be fixed, just in need of some help to get unstuck and start moving forward again.

I have not worked with a therapist to help a client – my coaching conversations are confidential. But I have had (and do have) clients who also work with a therapist. The client is the focus and intermediary.”

Are you comfortable coaching someone via the phone or email, or do you think it’s best to meet in person?

Mr. Zweibel: “I, for one, prefer working with my clients via phone (or email) to meeting with them in person. Telephone coaching is a particularly effective approach, compared to in-person meetings in that each coaching session is generally:
 
(a)    of shorter duration, so you can more quickly get on with the doing, which is the point
(b)    more focused, because it enables what I call a casual intensity – it seems more like conversation than a formal “session”
(c)    of greater relevance, because no one else is physically ‘there’ to distract you from your own thoughts and feelings.
 
Now while the loss of physical ‘non-verbals’ may seem significant – as I thought it might be when I first started coaching – there are all sorts of even more powerful clues and cues available if you know how to use them, including:
 

• tone of voice
• rate of speech
• particular language/wording
• variations in pitch
• breathing (or lack thereof)
• volume of speech
• steadiness of voice
• the spaces in between the words
• the inter-relationships of seemingly unrelated topics of discussion
• the things that aren’t being said
• and, or course, the things that ARE said

 
You just need to know how to work with them.”

Dr. Byers: “Well, it’s done both ways, of course. My coaching practice is always by phone. Occasionally, if the client is local we meet just to get visually acquainted. This is important for some clients, but the coaching is always done by phone in half hour segments on a weekly basis. There are many reasons for this. First, time is money at both ends. The added time to travel and meet is not related to the coaching. Most of my clients are not located in my area anyway so in person meeting is not feasible. Many people feel more relaxed using the phone and it is much easier to concentrate on the coaching process. Coaching can be very intense and it is important that both parties can concentrate and not be distracted by things going on around them. Some coaches, [myself] among them, augment the weekly phone calls with email at no extra cost, within reason. I generally find, however, that the client has enough to work on between sessions so that email is not necessary very often.”

What do you consider to be an end point for your coaching of a client?

Mr. Zweibel: “When the client says something like, “thank you, I’m ready to run solo for a while.” Since coaching is not about ‘fixing’ the client, the client is fully capable of deciding whether it makes sense to continue, or not. I’ve had a number of clients work with me for a while, “complete,” and then come back for more coaching a year or so later. They wouldn’t do that if they didn’t find value in it.”

Dr. Byers: “When I no longer feel we are getting anywhere; when the client feels they are ready to move on without a coach; when I feel a client is becoming addicted or too dependent on the coaching and not moving forward.”

Is the ICF the only coaching organization that matters, or are there others?

Mr. Zweibel: “The International Coach Federation is the oldest and most prestigious coaching organization dedicated to the integrity of coaching around the world. In addition to its local chapters, other organizations support the growth and development of the coaching profession, as well.”

Dr. Byers: “I would say that ICF is all the field needs at this point and they seem to be doing a pretty good job.”

What is the difference between life coaching and specialty coaching?

Dr. Byers: “There are many kinds of coaches. Specialty coaches such as career, financial, legal, etc. can be very helpful within a narrow field of expertise. The life coach operates from a bigger picture taking the holistic approach that every part of who we are is connected to every other part. The life coach deals with the whole person to change belief systems and habitual modalities that make the world look different through the same eyes. I have a belief that no one “needs” life coaching but that everyone can benefit from it.”

As you can see
I’m greatly indebted to Barry and Ken. Thank you so much!

Further resources
ICF Coach Referral Service.
The ICF Code of Ethics. No sleeping with clients!
book, book, book.
Co-Active Coaching: New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life. This book lays out the Co-Active Coaching philosophy taught by The Coaches Training Institute.
The Mindful Coach - I haven’t read it, but it seems quite popular.
Getting Things Done - the classic.

I’m still fascinated
If anyone has thoughts about life coaching or direct experience to share, please please comment!