I loved the results. I’m getting interested in analytics for prose – can you imagine a word processor that incorporates on-tap aggregate human feedback for drafts? I’m notttttt saying books should be written by committee but I do think more sophisticated services and metrics than we have now should be available if you want them.

Female, 24, USA
“I did generally enjoy the chapter, and would probably read more if I had the chance.”
“The narrator seemed to be male until the name “”Hilary”" was given, but then again seemed to be male for the rest of the chapter. I’ve always known that to be a name given to females. Also, the intentionally quirky syntax detracts a bit from the actual story in parts, and the dialogue could be improved. Also, little things like there being cigarettes but the character noting the fact that the “”inessential”" things wouldn’t be around sort of bothered me. I can see lots of edits being done, though I generally liked it (as I said).”
“The idea behind the story, as far as I can understand it, seems very interesting. I can imagine that the addiction theme would bring a very intriguing element to the story of a university experience on the moon.”

Male, 29, USA
Yes this was really interesting. The descriptions at the beginning really caught my attention. I would like to find out what happens next.
One thing I didn’t understand was the sex of the narrator. I thought at first he was boy but then he said his name was Hilary so I thought he was a girl but then he said he was straight so he is a boy? Another thing was I didn’t understand why they were stripped naked at first and sprayed with orange mist? Then I realized this is all fantasy and they are in Moon college.
I liked the vivid descriptions and metaphors at the beginning of the chapter. It really put me in the narrator shoes and I could sense how scared he was of the whole experience. I also liked the writing style of this novel. It something I think anyone can read and relate to. It’s not complicated but it has tons of vivid imagery that you can really imagine what is happening.

Male, 30, USA
“It was all right. There doesn’t seem to be a ton of a hook. There isn’t any sort of questions raised in the beginning that would make me want to read, read, read.”
“It may be petty, but I still am not clear on the gender of the narrator. The language could be a little more visually oriented as well.”
A university on the moon sounds like an interesting idea. I enjoyed the descriptions of Cassius.

Female,30,USA
Actually the first chapter kept my attention which is good and I would continue to read so I can see how the book progressed.
“The beginning was confusing for me, it toke me quite some reading to understand what was going on especially about the young guy taking the medicine. Then I understood out what it was about.
I did not understand he was going to moon school for a while I knew he was going away to college but not a fantasy college but the 37 hour flight made me wonder.”
I liked the creative ability in this book. It’s not a book you have read with a storyline before. It keeps you guessing about his adventure next not to mention with the cousin he has just connected with.

Male, 23, Greece
I did not particularly enjoy the chapter. I found it hard to read and lacking detail in various aspects. I would not like to read more.
“I did not like the common use of phrases such as ‘brthere’; I believe they made the piece unnecessarily hard to read. I found the descriptions to be inconsistent. There are detail descriptions of what others are doing at the airport but there’s barely any info about the travel or the people on the Moon. While I enjoyed the surprise of the trip being to the moon I later found myself wanting more generic information and less talk about the main character wanting a cigarette. If I were to compare it to another work, I would say it caused me the same annoyance as Percy’s constant complaining about him wanting burgers in Percy Jackson and the Lighting Thief. By focusing too much on the side effects of smoking you alienate non smokers that are not familiar with the experience. I myself do not smoke so this simply passes by as annoying. I would have found it much better if you gave us some information about the Moon base, when/how it was created and the condition of the world at the time. Are there alien species going around or are we still alone in the world and simply built a city on the Moon? Since this is the first chapter, try to give us some info about the main character, his destination and plans instead of jumping right into describing his immediate thoughts. Don’t forget: This is the first chapter of a novel, not a short story.”
“The ‘surprise’ about the main character going to the moon was rather pleasant and unexpected. The Moon base seems like an interesting place the way you described it but it lacked depth. At the start you get the impression that it’s a university city for the elite, but then you reveal that it’s more of a we-take-everyone-in school which kind of ruins the mood.”

Female, 26, USA
“I did enjoy it, but it was not my favorite. I would read more if I had nothing else to do.”
I really disliked the lack of punctuation and run on sentences. It made the first 5 pages very difficult to understand. I had to re-read quite a few of the sentences to understand what they were talking about.
“I liked the idea of headed to school on the moon, it intrigued me. I also really liked cousin Vladimir, he seemed like a believable character, except for him stabbing someone in the armpit. Really?”

Female, 24, USA
I found the chapter pretty interesting but I honestly can’t say I would want to read more. I don’t like reading fantasy type books.
“Some of the word usage I thought was kinda off. I did not like how the word “”piss”" was used and instead of clearly stating a word the word “”thingy”" was used in it’s place. I know this story was about a college kid but I found that kind’ve annoying.I did not like the opening of the book because it did not give me a clear picture of what was going on. Maybe that was the intention of the author.”
“I like the uniqueness of the story. I mean a college in space, how cool! Like I said before, I never really read fantasy books so I don’t know if this is an original idea. I also found the personality of the character to be interesting. It seems like he has issues that will be discovered throughout the book.”

Female, 24, USA
“It got my interest. It would depend on the overall plot, but from what I read I’d like to read more.”
“I didn’t like some of the dialogue. The conversation between the main character and Cassius felt awkward – and not in a realistic way. The one little bit of conversation that was just this romantic infodump felt forced.
I don’t get what’s going on with the main character. The chapter gave me the impression that there’s something wrong with him but not enough information to know whether there’s really something wrong with him or if he’s just an overly angsty teenager. I guess this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as this was only the first chapter. But since the first chapter is all I had to read, it just kind of annoyed me.
Some of the sentences toward the beginning seemed to run on unnecessarily. Lots of semi colons. They just seem uninviting at the beginning of a story like that. I’m already going in blind. I’m unfamiliar with the universe. Long, complicated sentences with semicolons don’t exactly help me get my barrings any easier.”,”I liked some of the descriptions a lot. It painted a really clear picture in my head of taking this commercial flight to the moon. Likewise, there were some really nice descriptions on the moon too.
I liked the dialogue with the main character’s cousin a lot. I’m not sure I necessarily like the character, but the dialogue felt really fluid and genuine there.”

Female, 51, USA
Yes and no. I would probably give it another chapter or two.
There were several words I did not understand. Some of the descriptions of inanimate objects seemed to be trying too hard. I’m a fan of setting a scene but some of this is just too much.
“Really liked all the feelings in the airport prior to boarding. Sounded like an anxiety attack, nicotine withdrawal and crippling fear of flying all coming together at once.”

Male, 26, USA
It was okay. I wouldn’t really want to read any more.
“The main character seemed kind of whiny.
I don’t know where the story is going yet, but it seems kind of boring so far.”
“At first I thought he was just going to a normal college, but then I realized they were going to the moon, which was kind of a surprise. The cousin seemed interesting.”

You should buy one of these. Really, you’ll love it.

My feet smell. Instead of comitting suicide, I’ve switched to these socks, which are woven with silver fibers. Thanks, socks!

This has got to be my second or third-favorite zombie movie of all time. Not scary, super-awesome.

The Pilot V5 is my pen of choice right now – V5s and felt-tip Papermates.

Get yrself set for that bird flu!

Inspired by Joe Versus The Volcano, I’m going to buy a ukulele. Also, I know a girl who likes Hawaii…

2006 Topps Heritage! I may have sold most of my baseball card collection, but I haven’t sold my soul.

After the disappointment that was Fire Emblem: PoR, I’m looking for a new SRPG and I think Makai Kingdom may be just the thing.